Well, Buster the Squirrel is history — he was so STOOPID! I caught him in one of those Life Heart humane critter traps that have spring-loaded doors that snap shut. He was fooled hook, line, and sinker using a silly peanut butter-coated tangerine wedge and a slice of fresh tomato as bait.
I transported Buster across the lake to a large, unsold wooded lot in an early morning fog so he couldn’t see where he was going or how to get back! All the way he growled at me from the confines of his cage. “Ha, ha, HAH!” I kept shouting at him over and over again. “Ha, ha, HAH, Buster Boy. I am smarter than YOU! Ha, ha, HAH!“ I had brought along my camera and I click-Clicked-CLICKED pictures of him fuming in the cage. That made him even madder. He was obviously embarrassed and he chuck-Chucked-CHUCKED like an angry cat and bared his teeth.
I beached the pontoon boat and pointed the trap’s door toward the shoreline so Buster had a clear shot to freedom. Instead, he scampered out of the cage and ran to the rear of the boat, rearing up on his hind legs like an enraged Grizzly bear. I screamed and chased him around the boat, sometimes the chaser, sometimes the chase-ee. Eventually, he hopped into the shallow water and plowed onto the beach, zigzagging erratically while searching for a tree. Dripping wet, he finally climbed a tall pine tree and gave me the cold shoulder. Then, as I pushed the pontoon boat away from shore, he chuckled an entire paragraph of squirrel obscenities so outright nasty I dare not repeat them here.
“Ha, ha, HAH!” Buster Boy is gone forever and my tomatoes thank me for it. “Buster,” I shouted before starting the engine and returning home, “you are a stupid, STOOPID dumb rodent and I am smarter than you are — HA, HA, HAW!“