“Hey, Tim, how do you like that hemorrhoids cushion?”
I suspect the Lowe’s Privacy Policies are no different than most, but I gotta tell you, when I got to the part that said: “To be removed from all of Lowe’s official email, telephone and postal mail marketing, choose one of the following options: email email@example.com and type “REMOVE FROM ALL MARKETING” in the subject line…” I felt a shimmy of hope wiggle through me like a bolt from that first shot of tequila.
I opened my email program and began to reply. That’s when I read a couple more sentences and got down to the: “For any of these options, please include your name, address, phone number and email address in the request, and let us know how you provided us with the information.” part.
You have GOT to be kidding me. Let me get this right. They want MORE private information about me so they can remove my “old” private information from their “Lowe’s official email, telephone and postal mail marketing”? How crazy is THAT! Damn, they also want me to tell them HOW I provided them with “the information” they already have about me. Give me a break.
Little did we know — years back when we rushed like children toward the Google Candy Store and all the other personal information black- holes-from-Hell-blood-sucking-vampire-ish-mega-sites — the can of worms we were uncapping. Did I just say children and can of worms? Silly me. My bad. I really meant lemmings and Pandora’s Box.